August 11: Asking For Help
Asking for Help Isn't Failing
For many parents, asking for help can feel surprisingly difficult. We all happily support our children when they're struggling, we encourage our friends to reach out when life feels overwhelming, we remind the people we love that they don't have to face everything alone. Butt when it comes to ourselves, the conversation is often very different or doesn’t exist at all. Feelings as though we should be able to cope and manage things without being a burden is totally normal, but it also leaves us carrying far more than we were ever meant to carry on our own.
Where Did We Learn This?
Somewhere along the way, many of us picked up the idea that being a good parent means being endlessly capable. We worry that we should always have the answers. We are made to feel that we should be able to balance work, family life, household responsibilities, finances and everyone else's emotions without ever admitting that we need support ourselves. But those are not realistic expectations.
Historically, children were often raised within wider families and communities where responsibilities, worries and celebrations were shared and while current family life looks different today, our need for connection and support hasn't disappeared.
Strong People Ask for Help
Often, people ask for help because they’ve reached their limit. It would be much better to ask for it earlier to prevents us from reaching that point. It takes courage to say, "I'm finding this difficult." but I challenge you to do so and watch how many people fall behind you to help and support.
The strongest parents, and people generally, are not those who never struggle, they are the ones who understand that caring for themselves is part of caring for everyone around them too.
Help Doesn't Always Have to Be Big
When we think about asking for help, we often picture the big things but support can take many different forms. It might be asking a grandparent to spend an afternoon with the children, accepting a neighbour's offer to help cut the grass when they’ve got the mower out already, asking your partner to take responsibility for dinner without needing instructions, calling a friend because you need someone to listen to your ramble or simply letting yourself acknowledge, "Today has been hard."
What Are We Teaching Our Children?
Throughout this series, we've reflected on the example we set every day. When children grow up believing that adults should never ask for help, it would be easy for them to begin to believe the same about themselves.
They may hide their worries instead of sharing them or think needing support means they aren't coping well enough. But when they see us reaching out, accepting kindness and recognising that nobody has to manage everything alone, they learn that asking for help is not weakness.
In fact it shows wisdom and resilience and is a huge part of being human.
You Don't Have to Earn Support
Many parents quietly believe they have to reach breaking point before they can ask for help but support isn't something we earn by becoming completely overwhelmed. It's something we deserve simply because we're carrying a great deal.
Imagine waiting until your phone battery reached one per cent before ever charging it - how unnecessary! But that’s what we’re doing with our own wellbeing. We wait until we're exhausted before allowing anyone to lighten the load.
None of Us Were Meant to Do This Alone
Parenting can be one of life's greatest joys and greatest challenges.
There will always be seasons when life feels heavier than usual and there is no prize for carrying every responsibility by yourself.
If someone offers to help, just say yes. If you need support, ask for it. If today feels difficult, tell someone who wants to listen.
Because asking for help means you've recognised that being a parent doesn't require you to be superhuman. You can keep showing up with love, honesty and compassion while accessing the support you need.
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