August 4: When The Mental Load Doesn’t Take A Holiday
When the Mental Load Doesn't Take a Holiday
For many parents, the summer holidays don't simply bring a change in routine, they bring more to remember.
While children count down the days until school finishes, parents often find themselves mentally preparing for six weeks of organising, planning and juggling. There are meals to think about, childcare to arrange, activities to book, uniforms to buy before September, food shopping to keep up with, appointments to remember and the constant question of what everyone is going to do today.
Even on days that look relaxed from the outside, there is often a great deal happening behind the scenes. This invisible work is known as the mental load, and unlike the school holidays, it doesn’t take a break.
The Work That Nobody Sees
Much of parenting happens in our heads. It’s remembering that one child has outgrown their trainers while another has a birthday party next week. It’s noticing the milk is running low, knowing the library books need returning, checking the weather before planning tomorrow, remembering to reply to the holiday club email and wondering whether there is enough food in the freezer for dinner.
These aren't big tasks on their own, it’s the constant accumulation of them that becomes exhausting. The mental load is made up of hundreds of tiny decisions and reminders that fill the spaces between everything else. Because it is largely invisible, it often goes unnoticed by the people around us.
Why Summer Can Feel Even Harder
During term time, school provides a structure that naturally carries part of the family's routine. The holidays remove much of that predictability and us parents become the timetable.
We decide when everyone gets up (sort of!), what they'll eat, where they'll go, how they'll spend the day, who is looking after them, whether there is enough food in the house and how to balance all of that with work, household responsibilities and everyday life. Even families who enjoy the slower pace of summer can find themselves making far more decisions than usual and decision fatigue is real.
The more choices we make throughout the day, the harder it becomes to think clearly, remain patient and enjoy the moment.
You Don't Have to Carry Everything Alone
One of the biggest challenges of the mental load is that it often feels easier to keep doing everything ourselves than to explain what needs doing. Yet carrying every responsibility alone is rarely sustainable.
Where possible, sharing the planning can be just as valuable as sharing the practical jobs. Older children can help prepare lunches, choose activities or pack bags. Partners, where available, can take responsibility for entire tasks rather than waiting to be asked. Family members and friends may be willing to help if they understand what support is genuinely needed.
Sharing the mental load is about recognising that no one person should have to carry every thought, every reminder and every responsibility on their own. This can feel particularly hard as a single parent because you are the only one fully responsible but so often loved ones are happy to help when asked.
Lowering the Bar Isn't Giving Up
Many parents feel they must keep everything running exactly as they do during term time. Perhaps this summer is an opportunity to let some things be simpler.
Maybe dinner doesn't have to be homemade every evening, maybe the washing can wait until tomorrow, maybe not every day needs a carefully planned activity.
Sometimes reducing the number of decisions we have to make is one of the kindest things we can do for ourselves. Children don't measure love by how organised the household is.
Giving Your Mind a Rest
We often talk about giving our bodies a break, but we rarely think about giving our minds one too. The mental load doesn't disappear simply because we sit down for ten minutes, our thoughts are still racing through tomorrow's plans, next week's shopping list and everything we've forgotten to do.
Finding small moments to pause, write things down, ask for help or simply accept that not everything needs to be done today can make a difference.
You Are Carrying More Than You Realise
If you've ever ended the day feeling exhausted without quite knowing why, the mental load may well be part of the answer. Thinking, remembering, planning and anticipating all require energy.
So, if today feels overwhelming, take a moment to recognise everything you've already held together.
The meals you've planned, the appointments you've remembered, the worries you've quietly carried, the problems you've solved before anyone else even knew they existed. Those things matter and so do you.
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