August 31: What We Learnt
The Gift We Give Our Children
As this month comes to an end, we have spent time exploring the many pressures parents can carry during the summer holidays, from balancing family life with work and responsibilities to managing finances, finding opportunities to rest and trying to create meaningful experiences while also holding the emotional needs of everyone around us.
We have reflected on the pressure to make every day special, the value of ordinary moments and the memories children may carry with them long after the details of a particular summer have faded, but perhaps the most important message running through this entire series is that parents’ wellbeing is not separate from family wellbeing.
When parents look after their own wellbeing, they give their children permission to do the same.
Children learn from the things we teach them, but they also learn through watching the way we move through the world, noticing how we respond when life becomes difficult, how we speak to ourselves when we make mistakes and whether we allow ourselves space to rest, ask for support and experience joy.
They notice whether we apologise to ourselves for being tired, whether we continue pushing through when we have reached our limits and whether we believe that rest must be earned only after every responsibility has been completed. They notice the way we recover from difficult days, the way we respond when plans change and the way we treat ourselves when things do not go as we hoped.
This does not mean that parents must become perfect examples of wellbeing, always calm, patient and balanced, because children do not need adults who never struggle or who can meet every challenge without becoming tired or overwhelmed.
They need adults who are willing to be human, who can recognise when they are carrying too much and who understand that caring for themselves is not separate from caring for the people they love.
Resilience is not about never becoming tired, carrying every responsibility without support or smiling through difficult days while pretending that everything is fine. It can also be found in recognising our limits, adapting when life changes, asking for help when it is needed and allowing ourselves to begin again with kindness.
Children learn resilience when they see us rest, they learn self-compassion when they see us forgive ourselves, they learn balance when they see us create it. And they learn that wellbeing is not something we earn once life becomes quiet, organised or complete; it is something we deserve while life is still busy, unfinished and imperfect.
Children Notice What We Forget to See
Children have a wonderful ability to find joy and meaning in places adults often overlook, noticing the shape of a cloud while we are thinking about the next thing on the list, stopping to watch an insect move across the pavement while we are focused on getting somewhere or becoming completely fascinated by a puddle, a shadow or a tiny stone that we might pass without seeing.
They are often more willing to be curious, more comfortable with wonder and far less concerned with whether a moment is productive, useful or worth the time.
As adults, we can become so focused on managing life that we forget how to simply be part of it, moving quickly from one responsibility to the next while our minds remain occupied by everything that still needs to be done.
There will always be times when we need to keep moving because dinner is waiting, work needs attention or there is somewhere the family genuinely needs to be, but there may also be moments when we can pause, follow our children’s lead and allow ourselves to experience the world through their eyes.
Perhaps we stop to look at the cloud rather than encouraging everyone to hurry.
Perhaps we listen to the story that seems to have no ending(!) because the person telling it is excited to share it.
Perhaps we join the game instead of watching from the side, laugh at the silly joke or agree to dance badly in the kitchen without worrying how ridiculous we look.
Because joy does not need a purpose.
Be Silly
Growing up can sometimes make us believe that being responsible means being serious, and because parents carry so much practical and emotional responsibility, it can be difficult to put down the constant thinking long enough to simply play.
There are always decisions to make, meals to prepare, messages to answer and responsibilities waiting for our attention, which can leave very little space for the parts of ourselves that enjoy being spontaneous, imaginative or completely silly.
But that ridiculous dance in the kitchen can soften the tension of a difficult day, a made-up game can create connection without requiring preparation and a shared moment of laughter can remind a family that joy is still available, even when life feels busy or uncertain.
Children do not need adults who entertain them all the time, and parents do not have to become performers or turn every afternoon into an adventure. Sometimes, allowing ourselves to make a funny voice, join a game for a few minutes or laugh without worrying about how we appear is enough to create a moment of connection.
When parents allow themselves to be silly, they show children that joy is not something we grow out of and that adulthood does not require us to leave curiosity, imagination and playfulness behind. And often when we follow children’s lead, we also rediscover parts of ourselves that responsibility has encouraged us to forget.
Taking Their Lead
Children may not always know exactly what they need, but they are often wonderfully clear about what draws them towards joy.
They might want to build a den from cushions, invent a game with rules that make no sense, tell a long story that changes direction several times or spend ten minutes showing us something they have discovered; these are invitations into the world as children experience it.
Taking their lead does not always require hours of free time or a completely empty schedule. It means giving them your full attention while they explain something they are excited about, allowing the walk home to take a little longer because they have stopped to look at something interesting or saying “yes” to a spontaneous game, even if you can only join them for five minutes.
These moments remind parents that wellbeing is not found only in quietness and rest, but can be discovered through laughter, movement, curiosity, connection and the freedom to become fully absorbed in something that has no purpose beyond fun!
Wellbeing Is Something We Practise Together
Children learn how to care for themselves through the environment around them, and when they see adults rest without apologising, ask for help without shame, make mistakes without becoming cruel towards themselves and create boundaries that protect their wellbeing, they learn that these choices are allowed in their own lives too.
When they see adults make space for relationships, notice moments of joy and recognise that their needs matter, they learn that a balanced life is not about getting everything right but about returning to what helps us feel connected and well.
There will be days when parents are too tired to play, too busy to stop or too overwhelmed to notice the small things, and there will be times when balance feels impossible or rest is simply not available, particularly for parents managing financial pressure, limited support, demanding work or significant caring responsibilities.
The purpose is to recognise that every small act of self-care, self-compassion and joy can communicate something meaningful.
When we say, “I’m feeling tired today, so I need a quiet moment,” we show children that listening to our needs is allowed. When we say, “I made a mistake, but I can learn from it and try again,” we show them that kindness belongs in the way we speak to ourselves, and when we join them for a few minutes of laughter, we remind them that joy does not have to be earned.
The Gift That Lasts Beyond Summer
As the summer holidays come to an end, the routines of September may return quickly, bringing school mornings, work commitments, packed lunches, appointments and responsibilities that make family life feel faster again. The slower pace of summer may not be possible to carry forward in the same way, but its lessons can remain within the small choices we make each day.
Perhaps we can continue noticing the things our children invite us to see, allowing more room for laughter and listening when they want to share their world. Perhaps we can remember that looking after ourselves is not time taken away from our families, but part of the example we give them about how a meaningful life can be lived.
Because children do not only learn resilience from watching us rest, they learn self-compassion from watching us forgive ourselves and they learn balance from watching us create it.
A joyful life can include responsibilities and rest, difficult days and moments of laughter, mistakes and apologies, uncertainty and new beginnings. It can be busy while still holding connection, and it can be ordinary while remaining deeply meaningful.
As parents, we may spend years wondering what we can give our children, hoping to offer them opportunities, confidence, security and memories that will remain with them, but perhaps one of the most lasting gifts is allowing them to see us living with kindness towards ourselves, making space for what matters and remembering that joy does not have to wait until everything is finished.
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