September 9: When People Feel They Have to Hide at Work
When People Feel They Have to Hide at Work
For many of us, work is somewhere we spend a significant part of our lives. We build relationships, share ideas, solve problems, celebrate successes and, hopefully, feel that we are contributing to something meaningful. But for some, work can also be a place where they feel they have to carefully edit themselves.
Perhaps they avoid mentioning their partner or family because they are unsure how colleagues might react. Maybe they feel uncomfortable talking about their culture, background or faith. They might hide an aspect of their identity, avoid discussing something important to them or constantly think about how they are being perceived. Sometimes this isn't a conscious decision. It can simply become a habit of self-protection. And when someone feels they cannot bring their whole self to work, it can be difficult to experience a genuine sense of belonging.
The Difference Between Privacy and Hiding
It is important to recognise that being able to be yourself at work does not mean having to share everything about your personal life; everyone is entitled to privacy.
Belonging is about creating an environment where people feel they have a choice about what they share, rather than feeling that they need to hide something because they are worried about being judged, excluded or treated differently. There is a big difference between choosing privacy and feeling that you have no choice.
When "Fitting In" Becomes Exhausting
Most of us adapt our behaviour slightly depending on where we are and who we are with. That's a normal part of social interaction. But constantly monitoring yourself can become exhausting.
If someone is continually thinking about what they can say, which parts of their life they can mention, how they dress, how they speak or whether a particular aspect of their identity might change the way colleagues see them, they are using energy that could otherwise be spent contributing, connecting and doing their work. This can be particularly difficult for people who have experienced discrimination or exclusion elsewhere in their lives.
Representation Matters And So Does Everyday Culture
Seeing people like ourselves represented in an organisation can be incredibly powerful. It can help challenge the idea that certain roles, industries or positions belong only to particular groups. But representation alone cannot create belonging, people also need to see that difference is respected in everyday interactions.
They need to know that inappropriate comments will be challenged, that discrimination will be taken seriously and that managers will listen when someone raises a concern. They need to see that people can have different backgrounds, experiences and perspectives without those differences becoming a reason to question their value. A workplace can look diverse on paper and still leave people feeling that they need to hide. Belonging is about what happens once people are there.
The Role We All Play
Creating a workplace where people feel comfortable being themselves isn't solely the responsibility of HR or senior leadership. Policies and organisational commitments are important, but culture is created through everyday behaviour.
It might be a manager who makes it clear that different perspectives are genuinely welcome, a colleague who doesn't make assumptions about someone's family or circumstances, someone who notices when a conversation has become uncomfortable and is willing to challenge it or simply a team where people are curious about one another without expecting anyone to explain or justify their differences.
None of this requires us to know everything about every identity or experience, it requires us to be respectful, open-minded and willing to learn.
Creating Spaces Where People Don't Have to Disappear
The goal is to create workplaces where nobody feels that an important part of who they are has to disappear in order to succeed. Where people can talk about the people they love without worrying about judgement, where different cultures, backgrounds, beliefs and experiences can exist alongside one another with respect, where people can ask questions, admit they don't understand something and learn without being made to feel foolish and where difference is recognised as part of what makes a workplace richer and more human.
Because belonging means knowing that we don't have to be the same to be valued.
And perhaps one of the clearest signs of an inclusive workplace is when people don't have to spend their working day wondering which parts of themselves are safe to bring through the door, they can simply get on with being good at what they do, building relationships, sharing their ideas and being human.
That is what belonging at work can look like.
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