September 24: The Courage To Include
The Courage to Include Someone
Inclusion can sound like something that should happen naturally. We might imagine that if we are friendly, welcoming people and have good intentions, then everyone around us will automatically feel included, but in reality, some of the most meaningful moments of inclusion require us to be more deliberate. Sometimes, inclusion takes courage. The quieter courage of being willing to step outside what feels familiar in order to make space for someone else. It can mean choosing to notice someone we might otherwise overlook, starting a conversation when it would be easier to stay with the people we already know, or speaking up when we realise that someone is being unintentionally left on the edges of a group.
We naturally gravitate towards the familiar
Most of us know the comfort of finding “our people”. Maybe it’s someone we have a shared friend with already, a person who shares our sense of humour, the team we joined at the same time, or simply the people we naturally (and often subconsciously) chose to sit beside at lunch. There is nothing wrong with gravitating towards those relationships; in fact, strong friendships and connections are an important part of feeling that we belong. The opportunity comes when we begin to notice whether our familiar circles are becoming closed circles and this often happens without anyone intending to exclude anyone else. Conversations naturally develop between people who already know one another, invitations are often extended to the same group because we know they will say yes, and ideas can be discussed informally between colleagues who happen to sit together, commute together or socialise outside work. Meanwhile, someone newer, quieter or simply less connected may find themselves looking for a way into a conversation that already seems to have its own rhythm.
This is where a small act of courage can make a real difference, because rather than waiting for that person to break into our circle we can choose to open it.
Inclusion sometimes begins with noticing
One of the simplest things we can do is pay a little more attention to the people around us and the dynamics that are already taking place. Is there someone left slightly outside the conversation, sitting alone, finding their feet? Of course, noticing does not mean making assumptions about what someone wants. A quiet colleague is not necessarily lonely, someone who chooses not to attend social events is not necessarily looking for an invitation, and people have different personalities, preferences and boundaries that deserve to be respected. The point is not to decide what another person needs for them, but to remain open to the possibility that more connection might be welcomed.
Sometimes that connection can begin with a smile, an introduction, an invitation to join a conversation, or simply taking the time to ask someone how they are and genuinely listening to the answer.
The courage to interrupt the pattern
Sometimes inclusion requires more than noticing; it asks us to interrupt a pattern that has become so familiar that we no longer see it. Perhaps the same people always speak first in meetings, the same colleagues are asked to take on visible projects, or opportunities tend to circulate through an established group because those are the people who are already known and trusted.
When this happens, it can be tempting to assume that the people receiving those opportunities are simply the most interested, most confident or most capable. But sometimes people become visible because they have already been given opportunities to be visible.
This is where inclusive behaviour can make such a difference. Take the opportunity to deliberately ask someone who has not spoken for their perspective, recommend a colleague for an opportunity rather than automatically putting forward the person we know best, or make sure that credit is given to the person whose idea started the conversation, even if someone else presented it.
These actions are about creating more opportunities for more people to be seen, heard and valued.
Sometimes courage means going first
There is another kind of courage involved in inclusion, and that is the courage to make the first move. Introducing yourself to someone you have never spoken to can feel surprisingly awkward, particularly if you are not sure whether they want to talk. Inviting someone you do not know particularly well to join a conversation can feel a little uncomfortable, and asking someone for their perspective when you are not sure how they will respond can require us to step outside our usual social habits. But connection often needs someone to go first.
We can wait for other people to approach us, or we can decide that we will make the first move, and this can be particularly important in workplaces where there are differences in seniority, confidence, personality or background. Someone who is new to an organisation may not feel comfortable approaching a senior colleague, someone who is naturally quiet may not interrupt an established conversation, and someone who is unfamiliar with the informal social cues of a particular team may not know whether an invitation is genuinely open to them.
We do not need to solve all of those things, but we can make the invitation clearer and more welcoming.
Inclusion can feel uncomfortable
It is worth acknowledging that doing something inclusive can occasionally feel uncomfortable, particularly when we are stepping outside our normal habits. We might worry that we will say the wrong thing, wonder whether an invitation will feel awkward, or feel uncertain about whether we are making assumptions about what someone wants.
That is understandable but it can unintentionally leave other people carrying all of the responsibility for finding their way in. A little discomfort can be a small price for creating a bigger sense of belonging.
Importantly, we do not need to get everything perfectly right. We can ask, listen to the answer, accept if someone says no and learn from awkward moments rather than allowing them to stop us from trying again. Inclusive workplaces are not created by people who never make mistakes; they are created by people who are willing to keep learning, keep listening and keep making space.
The courage to challenge exclusion
Sometimes, of course, inclusion means something more difficult. It might mean noticing that someone is repeatedly being interrupted, challenging a joke that leaves someone uncomfortable, asking why the same people are always being invited into important conversations, or saying, “I don't think we've heard from everyone yet,” when a discussion appears to be moving ahead without a particular perspective.
These moments can feel harder because we are no longer simply extending an invitation; we are questioning an existing pattern. Yet respectful challenge does not have to be confrontational, and it can often begin with curiosity rather than accusation.
The aim is to help the group see what it might otherwise miss, because sometimes the most inclusive thing we can do is gently interrupt the assumption that the people already in the room are automatically the people whose voices matter most.
Inclusion is everyone's responsibility
It is tempting to think of inclusion as something that belongs to HR, senior leaders or people who have a particular role in EDI. Those roles are incredibly important, but everyday inclusion belongs to all of us, because every person in an organisation has the ability to make someone else's experience more welcoming. This does not mean carrying the responsibility for everyone else's belonging on our shoulders, it means recognising the influence we already have and being thoughtful about how we use it.
Inclusion should not depend on confidence
One of the most important things to remember is that the people who find it easiest to create connections are not necessarily the people who need them least. Confidence can make it easier to walk into a room, start a conversation, introduce yourself or ask to be included, but belonging should not depend on having those qualities.
A genuinely inclusive workplace creates different routes into connection for people with different personalities, communication styles and preferences. Some people will happily walk into a room and introduce themselves to everyone, while others may find their connection through a one-to-one conversation, a shared project, a mentoring relationship or simply being introduced by someone else.
There is no right way to belong and our role is to make the environment more welcoming.
That distinction matters because inclusion should not become another expectation placed upon people who already find certain environments difficult to navigate. We should not simply tell someone to “put themselves out there” when we could also consider how the environment could make it easier for them to participate.
The courage to make room
Today's message is not that we all need to become more outgoing, more confident or more socially adventurous. It is about being willing to notice, to listen, to make an introduction, to ask a question, to invite another perspective and, occasionally, to step slightly outside our own comfort zone so that someone else does not have to remain outside theirs.
Because inclusion is built through hundreds of small choices that quietly communicate there is room for you here.
We cannot know exactly what another person needs in order to feel that they belong, and we should never assume that we do, but we can make it easier for people to find their way into the conversation, into the community and into the opportunities around them.
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