Behind the Brave Face
There is a particular version of masculinity that many of us will recognise, whether we've experienced it personally or watched it shape the lives of the men around us. It's the man who keeps going regardless of how difficult things become, who rarely admits when he's struggling and who seems to believe that being dependable means never allowing anybody to see the moments when he feels uncertain, frightened or overwhelmed. He might be the person everybody turns to in a crisis, the one who always offers practical solutions and somehow manages to make even the most difficult situations appear manageable.
From the outside, this can look like strength, and sometimes it is. Being reliable, caring for others and remaining calm under pressure are qualities worth appreciating. But when those qualities become expectations that leave somebody feeling unable to acknowledge their own needs, the difference between being strong and having to appear strong can become increasingly difficult to recognise.
Today, as we begin the second week of our November Breaking the Silence series, we're turning our attention to men's mental health and the expectations that can make vulnerability feel uncomfortable or even unacceptable. Our theme for this week, “Behind the Brave Face,” invites us to consider how traditional ideas about masculinity influence the way men understand their emotions, seek support and build relationships with the people around them. And importantly, this is a conversation that belongs firmly within our wider commitment to gender equality.
Throughout the first week of November, we explored the experiences women can face when their health concerns are minimised, their symptoms are normalised or their responsibilities become so familiar that the pressure they carry goes unnoticed. Those conversations highlighted how gender expectations can influence people's health and wellbeing, particularly when society develops assumptions about what women should be able to manage or how they should behave.
As we move into men's mental health, we're looking at a different expression of those expectations, but one that grows from many of the same ideas about gender.
For generations, boys have often been encouraged to associate masculinity with independence, emotional repression and the ability to manage difficulties without relying on other people. These messages can gradually create an understanding of strength that leaves very little room for vulnerability. A boy who learns that crying is embarrassing, that asking for reassurance is childish or that expressing fear makes him less masculine may carry those beliefs into adulthood, even when they don’t serve him well.
This doesn't mean that every man grows up with the same expectations or that all men struggle to discuss their feelings. Masculinity is experienced differently across families, cultures and communities, and there are some men who have developed healthy, emotionally open relationships with themselves and others. But the influence of traditional gender roles remains seen as important, particularly when men feel that expressing certain emotions could affect how they are perceived by friends, partners, colleagues or wider society.
There is something particularly revealing about the language we use when discussing emotional vulnerability. We often encourage people to be strong during difficult periods, yet strength is still sometimes understood as the ability to remain unaffected by whatever is happening. For men, this can create an additional pressure to appear “fine”, particularly when they have been taught that being respected depends upon demonstrating control.
The difficulty is that emotional experiences do not disappear simply because somebody has learned not to express them. Stress, grief, anxiety, loneliness and uncertainty are part of being human, regardless of gender, and the ability to acknowledge those experiences is an important part of understanding our own wellbeing. When people feel unable to discuss what they're going through, they may become increasingly isolated from the very relationships that could offer comfort and perspective.
Some men may find it easier to express their emotions through practical activities or shared experiences rather than direct conversations, and there is nothing inherently wrong with that. Emotional openness doesn't have to look the same for everybody, and meaningful support should recognise different ways of communicating. The concern arises when somebody feels that they have no acceptable way to express distress at all, particularly if they believe that asking for help would undermine their identity or disappoint the people who depend upon them.
This is where a feminist perspective becomes particularly valuable, because feminism has long challenged the idea that people's abilities, responsibilities and opportunities should be determined by rigid expectations of gender.
When we question why women are expected to take on so much emotional and caring work, we are also creating space to question why men are sometimes discouraged from developing the same emotional skills. When we challenge the assumption that leadership requires dominance or emotional detachment, we open up possibilities for men and women to lead with empathy, collaboration and self-awareness. And when we recognise that caregiving, vulnerability and compassion are human qualities rather than feminine characteristics, we begin to create a more balanced understanding of what healthy relationships can look like.
This doesn't mean pretending that gender inequality affects everybody in identical ways. Women continue to experience significant structural disadvantages, discrimination and violence, and those realities must remain central to conversations about feminism and equality. Recognising that some traditional expectations can also harm men does not erase the unequal distribution of power or suggest that men's experiences should replace women's voices within those discussions.
Instead, it allows us to recognise that challenging restrictive ideas about gender can create meaningful benefits across society, particularly when we remain honest about the different ways those expectations operate.
One of the areas where this becomes especially relevant is the expectation that women should take responsibility for the emotional wellbeing of the people around them. In many relationships and families, women are still expected to notice when somebody is struggling, initiate difficult conversations and provide reassurance or emotional support, often alongside their own responsibilities.
Encouraging men to develop greater emotional awareness and stronger support networks can help create healthier, more reciprocal relationships, but it is important that this does not become another responsibility placed upon women. Men's mental health deserves attention and appropriate support, and men themselves must be encouraged to participate actively in that process, whether through friendships, professional services, community networks or developing the confidence to communicate their needs.
There is also something worth considering about the role that friendships play in men's emotional wellbeing. For some men, friendships are built around shared activities, humour or practical support, which can provide valuable connection and belonging. However, if those relationships rarely allow space for conversations about difficult experiences, somebody may find themselves surrounded by people they enjoy spending time with while still feeling unsure who they could turn to when life becomes challenging.
Creating opportunities for more meaningful connection doesn't require every friendship to become an ongoing conversation about mental health. Sometimes it begins with recognising that asking how somebody is doing can be more than a polite greeting, or being willing to listen when a friend gives an answer that is different from what we expected.
It also involves challenging the idea that men should only seek support when they have reached a crisis point. Mental wellbeing is something that deserves attention throughout life, and accessing professional help or discussing difficulties with trusted people should be viewed as a responsible decision rather than evidence that somebody has failed to manage their circumstances.
This is particularly important when we consider the impact of mental health difficulties on men across the UK. Men account for around three-quarters of registered suicide deaths in England and Wales, according to the Office for National Statistics, although suicide is complex and cannot be explained by gender expectations alone. The figures are a reminder of the importance of accessible mental health services, early support and environments where people feel able to acknowledge difficulties before they become overwhelming.
However, we should also be careful not to reduce conversations about men's mental health entirely to crisis or tragedy. There is enormous value in exploring what helps men live emotionally fulfilling lives, develop supportive relationships and feel comfortable expressing a full range of human experiences.
Positive male role models can play an important part in this, particularly when boys and younger men see examples of masculinity that include kindness, emotional honesty and respect for others. A father who apologises when he gets something wrong, a teacher who encourages boys to express their feelings or a manager who demonstrates that asking for support is compatible with professional competence can all help challenge the idea that masculinity must be defined by emotional distance.
These examples matter because expectations are not shaped only by what people are explicitly told. They are also influenced by the behaviours they see rewarded and the qualities they learn to admire.
Within workplaces, there is an opportunity to build cultures where men feel able to discuss their wellbeing without worrying that doing so will undermine their credibility or professional standing. This might involve ensuring that mental health support is accessible, encouraging managers to recognise different signs of distress and creating opportunities for employees to develop greater understanding of emotional wellbeing.
But it also means examining workplace cultures that reward excessive hours, constant availability or the expectation that people should always be able to cope. These pressures can affect employees of every gender, and challenging them is part of creating healthier environments where wellbeing is treated as a shared responsibility rather than something individuals must manage privately.
At Powered by Diversity, our work often explores how lived experience can help challenge assumptions about the people around us, particularly when those assumptions are rooted in expectations that have become so familiar we rarely question them. Through our Cultural Calendar Club, conversations about mental wellbeing, masculinity, inclusion and belonging offer opportunities for people to consider how social expectations influence the way we understand ourselves and support others.
One of the most encouraging aspects of these discussions is that they can help people recognise that gender equality is not about creating competition between different experiences of disadvantage. It is about developing a more honest understanding of the barriers people face, while working towards environments where individuals are not limited by assumptions about who they should be.
As we begin this second week of Breaking the Silence, there is an opportunity to approach men's mental health with both compassion and clarity. We can acknowledge the difficulties some men experience when they feel unable to express vulnerability, while continuing to challenge the unequal expectations and power structures that feminism seeks to address.
We can encourage men to build stronger emotional connections without expecting women to carry the responsibility for making those conversations happen. We can celebrate positive forms of masculinity and we can recognise that improving men's wellbeing is part of creating a healthier society.
When we create environments where men feel able to develop emotional skills, we are not simply supporting their individual wellbeing. We are also encouraging healthier relationships, more emotionally engaged parenting, stronger friendships and a more balanced understanding of the responsibilities we share. Challenging the expectations that restrict emotional freedom is one of the ways we can build a society where everybody has greater opportunity to live authentically and with dignity.
As we explore men's mental health throughout the coming week, our focus will be on the conversations that can help make that possible, particularly those that encourage men to look beyond the “brave face”.
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