The Pressure to Be Fine
There is a particular kind of tiredness that comes from being the person who always seems to have everything under control. The one who remembers what needs doing, notices when somebody else is struggling and somehow manages to keep the day moving, even when there are a hundred things competing for their attention. From the outside, it can look like somebody who is incredibly capable, organised and good at managing whatever life throws at them, but behind that appearance there may be someone who hasn't had a proper opportunity to stop and consider how they're actually feeling for a very long time.
For many women, the pressure to keep everything going can become such a familiar part of everyday life that they barely recognise it as pressure anymore. There are responsibilities at work and expectations at home, relationships that need attention and people who rely on them, often accompanied by the quiet assumption that they will somehow find a way to manage it all. And because they usually do, it can become increasingly difficult for the people around them to recognise when the weight of those expectations is beginning to take its toll.
Today, 4 November, is National Stress Awareness Day, part of International Stress Awareness Week, which this year is encouraging organisations to think about how they can create more human, supportive working environments. It's an important opportunity to reflect on the impact stress can have on our health and wellbeing, particularly when we consider how easily the pressures people experience can become normalised within everyday life.
As we continue our first week of Breaking the Silence, exploring women's health and the conversations we've been avoiding, today feels like an opportunity to look beyond the familiar advice about managing stress and consider why so many women feel they need to appear as though they're coping, even when the demands being placed upon them have become overwhelming.
One of the challenges with stress is that it doesn't always arrive as a dramatic moment when everything suddenly becomes too much. Sometimes it develops gradually, as responsibilities increase and the time available to manage them seems to become smaller. What once felt manageable can begin to require more effort, while the opportunities to rest or recover become increasingly limited. Yet because those changes happen over time, people may adapt without fully recognising how much their circumstances have changed, particularly when they have become accustomed to putting their own needs towards the bottom of the list.
For women who are balancing employment with caring responsibilities, this can be particularly familiar. The working day may officially end at a certain time, but the responsibilities waiting at home do not necessarily become any less demanding, especially when somebody is also carrying the mental work of anticipating what needs to happen next. Remembering appointments, organising family arrangements and keeping track of other people's needs can become a constant background responsibility, even when those tasks are not immediately visible to anyone else.
Of course, these experiences are not exclusive to women, and it would be unfair to suggest that men do not experience similar pressures or that every woman carries the same responsibilities. However, longstanding social expectations around caring and household roles can influence how responsibilities are shared, sometimes leaving women feeling that being available to everybody else is simply part of what is expected of them.
What makes this particularly difficult is that being capable can sometimes become a reason for people to expect even more. Someone who consistently manages difficult situations may find that others begin to rely on them without recognising the effort involved, while the person themselves may feel increasingly uncomfortable admitting that they are struggling because they have become so accustomed to being the one who copes. Over time, the very qualities that people admire in them can become part of the reason their own wellbeing receives less attention.
There is also something important about the relationship between stress and physical health, because the effects of prolonged pressure are not always confined to how somebody feels emotionally. Stress can influence sleep and concentration, contribute to headaches or muscle tension and affect how people experience existing health conditions. When somebody has been living under pressure for a long time, those effects can become part of their everyday experience, particularly if they have little opportunity to recover between the demands being placed upon them.
This connection becomes especially important during our week exploring women's health, because physical symptoms and emotional wellbeing do not exist in isolation from one another. A woman navigating an ongoing health concern may also be managing the uncertainty and practical difficulties that come with it, while somebody experiencing considerable stress may find that their ability to manage other aspects of their health becomes more difficult.
However, recognising that stress can affect physical wellbeing should never become a reason to assume that unexplained symptoms are simply caused by stress. As we explored in yesterday's blog, women can experience considerable frustration when their health concerns are attributed to psychological causes without appropriate investigation. Both experiences deserve to be taken seriously, and understanding the relationship between physical and emotional wellbeing should help us provide more informed support rather than encouraging us to make assumptions about what somebody is experiencing.
There is a phrase that often appears in conversations about wellbeing: “You need to look after yourself.” And while the sentiment is usually well intentioned, it can sometimes feel like another responsibility being handed to somebody who is already struggling to manage everything else. Finding time to rest and making space for activities that support wellbeing can be valuable, but those things become much harder when the circumstances creating the stress remain unchanged.
For a woman balancing demanding work with significant responsibilities outside it, being told to prioritise self-care may offer little reassurance if she has no practical opportunity to do so. Sometimes what somebody needs is not another suggestion about how to manage their stress more effectively, but greater understanding of why they are experiencing so much pressure in the first place.
This is particularly relevant within workplaces, where conversations about wellbeing can sometimes focus heavily on helping individuals become more resilient without giving the same attention to whether the expectations placed upon them are reasonable. There is certainly value in helping people develop ways to manage difficult periods, but when excessive workloads or a lack of support become ongoing features of working life, asking employees to become better at coping cannot be the whole solution.
The official theme for International Stress Awareness Week 2026 is “Shaping the Future of Stress and Wellbeing: Rehumanising the Workplace”, and there is something particularly meaningful about that idea. It reminds us that behind every role and every set of responsibilities is a person whose capacity and circumstances can change, and that creating a healthy workplace means recognising those human realities rather than expecting people to function at the same level regardless of what they may be navigating.
For women, this can also mean recognising how workplace expectations interact with the responsibilities they carry elsewhere, particularly when caring commitments or health concerns affect the time and energy available to them. A supportive manager cannot remove every pressure somebody experiences outside work, but they can avoid adding unnecessary difficulties and create an environment where concerns about workload or wellbeing can be discussed without fear of being perceived as less capable.
There is a difference between asking somebody whether they are coping and genuinely making space for an honest answer. When a workplace culture rewards people for always being available and rarely acknowledging difficulty, employees may understandably feel that admitting they are struggling could affect how others perceive them. In those circumstances, even a well-intentioned conversation about wellbeing may not lead to openness unless people have confidence that their concerns will be taken seriously.
At Powered by Diversity, we often explore how the expectations people experience can influence what they feel comfortable sharing with others, particularly when those expectations have become so familiar that they are rarely questioned. Lived-experience conversations can help bring those pressures into focus, allowing people to recognise that somebody who appears confident and capable may also be navigating circumstances that are not immediately visible. Developing that understanding can change how we approach colleagues and the assumptions we make about what people should be able to manage.
Perhaps one of the most important things we can recognise on National Stress Awareness Day is that somebody appearing to cope does not necessarily mean they are coping well. People can continue meeting deadlines and fulfilling responsibilities while experiencing considerable stress, and the fact that they have found a way to keep going should not become evidence that the pressure they are under is acceptable.
There is also something worth considering about the expectations women place upon themselves, particularly when they have spent years being praised for their ability to manage everything. It can be difficult to recognise when those expectations have become unrealistic, especially if asking for support feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable. Yet acknowledging that something has become too much does not diminish somebody's capability, and needing support should never be interpreted as a failure to manage ordinary life.
As we continue our conversations about women's health throughout November, it feels important to recognise that wellbeing is influenced by much more than the choices individuals make for themselves. It is shaped by the environments they live and work within, the responsibilities they carry and the understanding they receive from the people around them. Creating meaningful change therefore involves looking beyond how people respond to stress and considering how we can reduce the pressures that make it difficult for them to feel well in the first place.
National Stress Awareness Day gives us an opportunity to begin those conversations, but its value lies in what happens afterwards, particularly when we become more conscious of the expectations we place upon others and more willing to recognise when somebody may need support.
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