More Than 'Man Up'
There are certain phrases that become so familiar we barely notice ourselves saying them. They're the things we hear growing up, repeat among friends or use when somebody is having a difficult day, often without giving much thought to what they might actually mean. Sometimes they're intended as encouragement, sometimes they're part of a joke, and occasionally they're simply what comes to mind when we don't quite know what else to say.
“Man up” is one of those phrases. Just two little words, usually delivered with the intention of encouraging somebody to get on with things, but carrying a rather complicated message about masculinity and emotion.
For some people, it's little more than a familiar expression, and the person saying it may have no intention of causing harm. But for somebody who is already struggling to acknowledge how they're feeling, it can reinforce the idea that their emotions are something they should overcome privately rather than discuss openly.
Today, as we continue our November Breaking the Silence series and our week exploring men's mental health, we're looking at the influence of everyday language, humour and social expectations on the way men understand their wellbeing. Because while words alone don't determine how somebody experiences mental health, they can contribute to the environments in which people decide whether it feels comfortable to ask for support.
Throughout this week, we've explored how expectations around masculinity can begin in childhood and continue shaping men's relationships and emotional wellbeing into adulthood. The language we use is one of the ways those expectations are reinforced, particularly when certain emotions are associated with weakness or when asking for help is treated as something embarrassing.
Phrases such as “you run like a girl” can carry an additional message, suggesting that qualities traditionally associated with femininity are somehow less desirable. They don't simply discourage boys and men from expressing vulnerability; they also reinforce the idea that being compared with a woman is an insult. The language used to restrict men's emotional expression often relies upon the same assumptions that have historically devalued women.
When femininity is treated as something men should avoid, qualities such as empathy, tenderness and emotional openness can become unfairly associated with inferiority. Yet these are valuable human characteristics, and encouraging men to develop them allows them greater freedom to understand themselves and connect with others.
There is also something worth considering about the role humour plays in maintaining these expectations. Humour can be an enormously positive part of friendships, helping people feel connected, creating shared experiences and sometimes making difficult subjects easier to approach. Many people use jokes to navigate uncomfortable situations, and there is nothing inherently wrong with finding laughter in life's challenges. However, when somebody's vulnerability becomes the subject of ridicule, humour can begin to discourage the very conversations that might help them feel supported. A man who shares a personal concern and receives a dismissive joke in response may laugh along, particularly if he doesn't want to make the situation uncomfortable. But he may also decide that the subject is better left alone next time, especially if he already feels uncertain about whether discussing his emotions is acceptable.
This doesn't mean every joke needs to be examined for hidden meaning or that friendships should suddenly become serious and emotionally intense. Instead, it means recognising that humour works best when everybody feels included in it, rather than when somebody's discomfort becomes the entertainment.
For men who have grown up believing that they should always have an answer, admitting uncertainty can feel particularly uncomfortable. They may worry that discussing mental health will affect how others perceive their competence or reliability, especially in environments where emotional openness is still treated as unusual. These expectations can influence whether somebody seeks professional support, although barriers to accessing mental health services are complex and cannot be explained by language or masculinity alone. Availability, affordability, previous experiences and confidence in services can all play a part, and meaningful improvements require us to consider those practical barriers alongside the attitudes that may discourage people from asking for help.
There is also an important distinction between encouraging men to express their emotions and expecting the women around them to become responsible for managing those emotions. Women have historically carried a disproportionate share of emotional labour within relationships and families, often taking responsibility for recognising when somebody is struggling, initiating difficult conversations and providing reassurance. While mutual care is an important part of healthy relationships, it should never become an expectation that women must compensate for the emotional skills men have not developed.
Supporting men's mental health means helping men feel confident taking responsibility for their own wellbeing, building supportive friendships and accessing appropriate professional help when needed. It also means encouraging men to support one another, rather than assuming that emotional conversations should primarily happen with female partners, relatives or colleagues.
This is particularly important when we consider the influence of male friendships and role models. Men who challenge dismissive language within their own friendship groups can help create environments where emotional honesty feels more acceptable, particularly when they demonstrate that vulnerability doesn't have to be met with embarrassment or ridicule. A friend who responds thoughtfully when somebody shares a concern, a manager who treats mental health conversations with respect or a father who encourages his son to express disappointment without shame can all help broaden the understanding of what masculinity can look like.
Within workplaces, language can also influence whether employees feel comfortable seeking support. Casual comments about people being too sensitive, needing to toughen up or simply getting on with things may seem harmless in isolation, but they can contribute to cultures where employees worry that acknowledging difficulties will affect how they're perceived.
Creating healthier working environments involves paying attention to those everyday interactions, alongside ensuring that employees have access to appropriate support and managers understand how to respond when somebody raises concerns about their wellbeing.
At Powered by Diversity, we often explore how the language people use can influence workplace culture and the sense of belonging individuals experience. Through our work on inclusion, gender equality and mental wellbeing, we encourage organisations to consider how familiar expressions and assumptions may unintentionally reinforce expectations that limit people's confidence to be themselves.
Meaningful change is more likely when people feel able to reflect, learn and communicate with greater awareness, recognising that intentions matter but so does the impact our words can have. There is something positive about the fact that language can change. Expressions that once seemed completely ordinary can gradually become less common as our understanding develops, while new ways of discussing mental health and relationships can help people feel more comfortable acknowledging their experiences.
We can encourage perseverance without suggesting that somebody should hide their emotions, celebrate independence without treating support as a weakness and enjoy humour without making vulnerability something to be ashamed of.
As we continue Breaking the Silence, it’s important to remember that the way we speak to one another helps shape what people believe they are allowed to feel and express. A single phrase may not determine whether somebody seeks help, but repeated messages about masculinity can influence the expectations people carry throughout their lives.
And while changing our language won't resolve every challenge surrounding men's mental health, it can contribute to a culture where asking for support feels less unusual and where emotional wellbeing is treated as an ordinary part of being human.
Because there is nothing particularly masculine about struggling in silence, and nothing less masculine about recognising when you need help.
Perhaps it's time we started encouraging the confidence to be honest about how they're feeling, the responsibility to look after their wellbeing and the freedom to build relationships where they can be themselves without fear of judgement.
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