July 6: "It Was Only a Joke"... Was It?
"It Was Only a Joke"... Was It?
Most of us have heard it before; "It was only a joke." "It was just banter." "They need to learn to take it."
Often, these comments are brushed off as part of growing up, especially among teenagers who are navigating friendships, humour and finding their place within a group. But what happens when the person on the receiving end doesn't find it funny?
Humour has an incredible ability to bring people together, but it also has the power to make people feel excluded, embarrassed or unsafe. When jokes repeatedly target someone's race, religion, disability, gender, sexuality or appearance, they can begin to reinforce the idea that being different is something to laugh at. For the young person hearing those jokes, that message can stay with them.
The Line Between Banter and Belonging
Teenagers often use humour to build friendships. Laughing together creates connection, eases awkwardness and helps young people feel part of a group. Healthy banter exists when everyone is laughing together, everyone feels respected and everyone knows they can speak up if something has gone too far. The problem begins when laughter comes at the expense of the same person over and over again, or when certain groups become the target simply because of who they are.
At that point, humour stops creating belonging and starts creating barriers. Children quickly learn who is considered "normal" and who is considered "different." These lessons come from the “jokes” that nobody challenges.
The Messages Hidden Inside the Laughter
Children and teenagers are constantly learning about the world around them. If they repeatedly hear jokes that stereotype particular communities, mock disabilities, dismiss mental health, or belittle someone's identity, those ideas can gradually begin to feel acceptable because repetition has a powerful influence on what we see as normal.
Equally, for the child who belongs to the group being joked about, these moments can slowly chip away at their confidence. They may begin to question whether they truly belong, they may stay quiet rather than challenge what's being said, they may even start hiding parts of themselves simply to avoid becoming the next joke.
No child should feel they have to make themselves smaller just to fit in.
Teaching Empathy Without Taking Away Humour
We shouldn’t stop encouraging teenagers to laugh, humour is one of life's greatest joys, and it's an important part of friendships and family life. The goal here is to help them recognise the difference between laughing with someone and laughing at someone.
If your teenager repeats a joke they've heard online or at school, ask them what they think makes it funny, ask who the joke is about, ask how they think someone from that group might feel hearing it.
These conversations help them develop empathy and understand that words have weight, even when they're spoken with a smile.
Raising Children Who Make Others Feel Safe
Every parent hopes their child will be kind because they understand that everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Children who feel safe, accepted and included are far more likely to help create those same feelings for others.
By encouraging our teenagers to think about the impact of their words, we're helping them become the kind of adults who know that humour doesn't have to come at someone else's expense. The funniest people don’t make others feel small they make everyone feel welcome enough to laugh together.
Not yet a member of Cultural Calendar Club?Join today or Contact Us.