July 10: Feeling Safe Being Themselves
Every Child Deserves to Feel Safe Being Themselves
As parents, we all want our children to grow up feeling loved, accepted and safe enough to discover who they are without fear of rejection. We hope they'll build friendships where they are valued, find communities where they belong and know that home is somewhere they can always return to, exactly as they are. For many LGBTQIA+ young people, however, that journey can feel far more uncertain.
The challenges they face are not because of who they are. They arise when they encounter rejection, discrimination or the feeling that they must hide an important part of themselves in order to be accepted. It is those experiences, not their identity, that can have a profound impact on mental health.
The Weight of Feeling Different
Growing up can be complicated for every teenager. They're navigating friendships, school, family life and trying to understand where they fit into the world. For young people who are questioning or discovering their sexuality or gender identity, those everyday challenges are often accompanied by wondering if people will accept them if they reveal those parts of themselves. Some young people are fortunate enough to know with confidence they will be accepted because they are surrounded by love and acceptance. Others might not. They may hear negative comments at school, see harmful messages online, worry about disappointing the people they love or feel pressure to hide who they are altogether. Living with that uncertainty can become emotionally exhausting.
When Acceptance Feels Uncertain
Research consistently shows that LGBTQIA+ young people experience significantly higher rates of anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts than their heterosexual and cisgender peers. Crucially, the evidence also tells us that these poorer mental health outcomes are not caused by a young person's identity, but by experiences such as bullying, discrimination, rejection and social isolation.
A recent UK survey found that 58% of LGBTQ+ young people had seriously considered suicide in the previous year, while nearly one in five (19%) had attempted suicide. Perhaps even more tellingly, LGBTQ+ young people who described their community as accepting were significantly less likely to attempt suicide (16%) than those who lived in communities they described as unaccepting (27%).
The same research found that 66% of LGBTQ+ young people had experienced discrimination because of their sexual orientation during the previous year, and those who experienced discrimination were almost twice as likely to report a suicide attempt as those who had not (25% compared with 13%).
These figures are difficult to read, but they remind us that the greatest risk to LGBTQIA+ young people's mental health is not who they are, it is how they are treated by the world around them.
When children feel that they have to constantly monitor what they say, how they behave or who they can safely be around, they are carrying a burden that no young person should have to bear. Feeling unable to be yourself doesn't just affect confidence; it can affect sleep, relationships, school attendance, self-esteem and a child's overall sense of safety in the world.
The Power of One Accepting Adult
Although these realities are difficult to read, there is also a hopeful message. Research consistently tells us that acceptance makes an extraordinary difference.
A young person who has even one trusted adult who accepts them, listens without judgement and offers consistent support is often far better equipped to navigate life's challenges than someone who feels completely alone. Parents, carers, grandparents, teachers, coaches and other trusted adults all have the potential to become that safe person. It's about listening, believing them and letting them know they are loved.
Acceptance Benefits Every Child
Even if your own child isn't LGBTQIA+, this conversation still matters. Children watch how adults speak about people who are different from themselves. They notice the jokes we challenge, the language we use and the compassion we show. When we create environments where diversity is welcomed rather than feared, every child benefits. Children learn empathy, they become more confident in expressing themselves, they build friendships across differences and develop a deeper understanding of the world around them.
The Message Every Child Needs to Hear
Every child deserves to grow up knowing they don't have to earn love by pretending to be someone they're not. They shouldn't have to hide parts of themselves to feel safe, they shouldn't wonder whether being honest about who they are will cost them the people they love.
As parents, we cannot protect our children from every challenge they will face but we can make sure they know that our love is not conditional and that our home is a place where they belong.
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